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Hellish Traffic and Relaxed Service

I know, the traffic in Jakarta has always been hellish. But after living away from Jakarta for more than 5 years, it seems that I need to get used to it again. And somehow, my time approximation from 5 years ago is not applicable anymore. I allocate 3 hours of my time to go to Bintaro to Taman Anggrek, buy the modem, and meet my friends at 5pm in Plaza Senayan. It turned out that the trip from Bintaro to Taman Anggrek to Senayan took me four and a half hours.

Several factors contributes to the long trip: First, traffic jam, of course : On average it is 15 km per hour. Second, looking for parking in Taman Anggrek. Third, the modem seller took his time to serve three customers at the same time, and I came last. So I can’t complain about it, it’s just the Indonesian way (I’m quite happy that the seller was quite lighthearted and cheerful). Fourth, 3-in-1 restrictions. As a result, I was so stressed to be late for the meeting and so pissed off that I didn’t estimate the timing properly. I was so stressed that I felt that I would have delivered my baby prematurely in the car.

My driver told me to relax because that’s the way it is. I guess I learn that: I have to take the slower (inefficient) pace of life for granted, not to have high expectations, and relax myself (be “Nrimo”, I don’t know what’s the word in English).

As a result, I had to meet three groups of different friends at the same time. Luckily, all three groups are meeting in Coffee Club, so what I had to do is just jump from one table to another.

Security Concerns, Social Segregation, and Meeting Friends

I guess I’ve been away for too long. This visit to Jakarta, I was a bit anxious about security. I’m worried to be conned, to be asked for bribes and blackmailed. So many questions: Should I take my cellphone with me when I go out? Can I use my cellphone in a car, what if something happen at traffic light intersections? Would it be safe to bring my laptop around? (Note most of my concerns are related to gadgetry because I don’t use much branded goods or jewelry).

It turned out that my friends casually take their gadgets, jewelry, and branded goods with them anywhere. Somehow they just managed not to get robbed. They laughed at me that I worried too much about security in Indonesia.

It frightens me and is embarrassing that I become more and more like Singaporean (being afraid and worrisome) and I have lost that guts and vigilance for being in Indonesia.

On the other hand, it’s just sad to see that my friends managed to stay safe, because they stay in their little cocoons of air-conditioned cars and shopping malls. I felt that the social segregation is starker than a few years ago.

However, it’s interesting to see that everybody in Jakarta has cellphone nowadays! Even my inlaw’s maid has one. The telco providers even have various schemes to accommodate the low-income: there’s even a prepaid mobile scheme for as low as USD 10 cents. My driver told me that the poor usually use it to send and receive SMS rather than for phonecalls.

Nevertheless, I’m really happy to be able to see old friends and friends who share the same interest. It’s interesting to see that friendship from high school and university tends to be more sincere and less “Ja-im” compared to the more recent friendships. It’s funny that I was able to swear (jokingly) at my high school friends without worrying that they would be hurt, and that they tease me with rough words about my pregnancy, and we all just laughed it off.

It’s also nice to meet new friends who share the same interest. Finally I met the mommies from the breastfeeding group in Indonesia, and it turned out that they were really funny, talkative, lighthearted, yet they have strong idealism on breastfeeding issues. As I observe, the Indonesian breastfeeding group throw out jokes more often compared to the Singaporean group, who tends to be more reserved and serious. But despite their differences, both groups get things done well. I guess the Indonesians joke a lot because life here is already difficult, so why make it more difficult by being too serious?

For full entry, read the original posting at www.indrani.net

I couldn’t sleep with some thoughts running in my head, and I decided to write down some conclusion of life about friendship love and hate. You may then conclude what kind a person you are: true friend or the opposite?

Your true friends are your families, sometimes even more so than your blood-relatives. True friends are people with love, who stay beside you in high and lows, especially the lows. True friendship is beautiful in its entirety; but its course is not without thorns. That’s why true friends openly talk about things and remind each other, overcoming forgetfulness. True friends are resilient in coping with turbulence in the friendship. True friends sometimes have differences in opinions and attitudes, but eventually come to understand and respect those differences. True friends sometimes fight because of misunderstanding and differences, but the fight always end with peaceful resolution through discussions. True friends sometimes hurt each other, but they always have room for forgiveness. Sometimes true friends can't read mind and are forgetful: you have to loudly ask for their help and keep reminding them. But in a nutshell, true friends always come back. They’re resilient. True friends are your mirror, your true family, and they set you free.

To our true friends: thank you for being there in good and bad times, and for being able to accept us the way we are. Thank you for always coming back no matter what. Life is surely hard without your presence.

True friends stick in bad times too, and not just in good times. True friends don't pretend. True friends don’t sweet talk in front of you and badmouth when you’re not around. True friends do not stay distant in avoidance while keep silent with hidden hatred burning inside them, and they don’t spread hate around.

Spread hate? Why are some people hateful?

Hateful people are naturally self-centered due to their inability to empathize and open themselves to different perspectives. Hatred is evil manifestation of fear, timidity, and angst. Inherently, hateful people are insecure and scared. Hateful people tend to spread hate, in order to get allies to maintain their feeling of security, by trying to find reasons justifying their hatred. Usually, hateful people keep badmouthing because they have small heart. Hateful people are sad and pitiful, but they don’t realise it. Hateful people think they win by hating, but in reality they lose. And worse, hateful people hurt themselves with hate, but they don’t realise it. They’re pathetic, but they’re blind about it.

To hate is to volunteer oneself into pain. When there’s no hatred, one is free.

To people with hate: we pity you. But we don’t have any problem with you and we don’t hate you. Just come back when you’re done hating and your hearts’ grown bigger. We will welcome you back with open heart and open arms.