For full entry, click here

Sorry Mr. Ong, for responding so-very-late to your 123 meme, Indrani have been occupied with things, sick kids, and flying back and forth Singapore-Jakarta. With easter holiday in the horizon, we just found the time to write again.

Indi hasn't been reading books lately, too busy with work, so that leaves me responding to the meme. The meme rules are:

• look up page 123 in the book that is nearest to you at this very minute
• look for the fifth sentence
• then post the three sentences that follow that fifth sentence on page 123.

Here goes:

"The increasing pull of children was weighed against women's solid sense of identification with their careers and the heavy investment they had made in them. Women took pride in their professional accomplishment and tremendous pleasure from their work. Wendy Friedman voiced the difficulty many women felt in making the decision and reflected on the variety of losses it entailed"

The book titled "Opting Out: Why women really quit careers and head home" by Pamela Stone (2007).



Why that book? In recent years I have been trying to find the answer for the notion of why people who chose to go down the path of child-rearing tend to be perceived as isolated, particularly, isolated from the business and working world. We have been trying to break that notion, trying to balance child-rearing / work and involving our kids into things that we do everyday. I know some of my friends also tries to break away from the conventional norm of child-rearing / work separation, such as Ari Thalia Aina family.  We know it is not easy. We concluded that the isolation emerges from the fact that most people take the child-rearing / work separation for granted, but also, because the modern working world run with rules that excludes child rearing. In this sense, people like Ari Thalia or me are economic externalities ( Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued).



The women in the book were high achievers from ivy league universities, high flyer in their career, feminists, believers of equal parenting. Yet they decided to forgo their career to become a full time housewives. Why?

The book outlines that there is mainly two driving forces. First, is the rise of "intensive parenting". In the past, parents are more concerned about whether or not their babies survive into later childhood. With advances in medical and nutritional technology (in line with Maslow's hierarchy), the focus of parenting shifts into providing quality care and education, this means parents are the best caregiver and as much as possible should spend time with children. On the other hand, the pressure to excel within the corporate structure has forces people to bank 50-80 hours work per week.  To add to the problem, for women, the prime age to climb the corporate ladder coincides with the prime age for child rearing.

However, the book shows that it is not so much the first factor, that is the child-rearing factor, that pulls the mothers to quit from the job, but instead, it is the corporate world that is unwilling to accept compromises from parents with young children. The companies would freak out with the mothers proposal to work part time (at least for a few years), to work from home, to take emergency leave, and inability to work over time. For the corporations, it is all-or-nothing scenario, there is no in-between. Facing a win-lose option, mothers gave up.

On a side note, my mom-in-law struck me with one sentence that makes me think twice about going back to work full time again. She said, "Kids grow up really fast. In a blink, my sons became teenagers and then they've gone out of the house. You only have FIFTEEN (or at the most, seventeen) years to spend with your kids before they live on their own". Fifteen years, that is, only one fifth of my whole life. And I don't want to miss that. Sure enough, last week Noe had just turned 3 years old. How time flies.

But then again, people said, you need double income in order to survive in this harsh world.

I wish the world become a more friendly place to people who choose the path of predominantly child rearing.  Like this
Noe (6 months) sleeps during a seminar on development economics

I'm not gonna tag anybody else.. if you feel like continuing this meme, go ahead and link back to this entry.. 

For full entry, click here

Noe has developed his individuality and personality. Just today, he began to say "Mine!" and "It's mine!", if we get something from him without his consent. He would say "no" to a lot of thing, such as morning shower. Just like his grandfather, Dr. Ahmad, who's taking plenty of time before taking his morning shower.

After shower, he would take the time to go to his clothes cabinet, and choose which clothes he wants to wear for the day. If we refuse to put on the clothes of his choice, he would get really angry! Then we would proceed to have breakfast, in which I had to provide two to three choices of food, so that Noe can choose according to his mood. Then Noe would walk to the Video cabinet, and choose which DVD he wants to play for the day, and he would want to insert the DVD by himself into the player. He has a very strong personality that it is almost impossible, if not using a long persuasion, to divert him away from things he wants to do.

His favorite video show (note: we don't have TV but we do have video player) is The Wiggles. This is like, his total favorite. It is no use that we have been screening sesame street since the beginning. The Wiggles is just more interesting (and hypnotic) to him. It began with me looking for children songs video in youtube and we found a lot of Wiggles Video. At the end of the day, Noe was stuck watching low-resolution wiggles in youtube, and we couldn't get things done in the computer. Finally we decided to get him the wiggles DVDs to play at the main TV set, and they have become Noe's favorite ever since. Initially, I found the wiggles to be rather annoying, but slowly, I agree with Noe, their music is nice to sing along with, and really fun to dance too! The music is simple but not childish or pretending. I see the wiggles not as childish adult, but as adult having fun being together with kids! And so, Noe and us always dance and sing along to the Wiggles. His favorite song is Quack Quack.


Photo by Ernest Millan

Noe has also started going to a playgroup nearby our house since March 2007, when he just turned two years old. He goes to Carpe Diem Kidz, in Alexandra. The reason we chose this place is that because the center has a huge front and backyard, which is converted into small farms with chicken, ducks, and rabbits. They also have tree house, and the teachers are quite good and communicative too. And so far, Noe had produced some artwork that he had lovingly presented to us




Noe is now two years and three months. He babbles a lot, and I mean a lot! But so far no meaningful words or sentence has come out from his mouth. His teacher said that Noe is just hesitant to talk. We tried many ways to make him talk, but Noe just wants to talk when he wants to. Actually it's not a problem to us, we always tried to encourage him to talk properly but we never force him to. Interestingly, Noe understand 100% what we're telling him to do or whatever explanation we give him in long sentences. For example, he would put stuff in the correct place, such as recycling bin, when we ask him. Or he would agree to take a morning shower after we give him a long explanation on why it is good to have a morning shower.

For full entry, read the original posting at www.indrani.net

Beberapa Blogger Indonesia, seperti Priyadi, Lita, dan Jay Yulian akhir-akhir ini aktif mempromosikan Hari Tanpa TV. Sebenarnya kampanye mematikan TV bukan hal baru. TVTurnoff Network sudah melakukannya sejak 1994 di Amerika. Kami pun turut mempromosikannya sejak tahun lalu, tapi saat itu gaungnya tidak sekencang seperti yang dipromosikan para Blogger Indonesia tahun ini.

For full entry, read the original posting at www.indrani.net

After knowing that there is a "Kiwi organization promoting hitting children" , I immediately felt I needed to find out about the cost and benefit of doing so.